Farm Animals Are Funny

The other day I was sitting with one of my beasties and I mentioned that I hadn’t written anything this week and I was feeling uninspired… she said ” Jo, write about something that’s important and means something to you”  So here you go…..

I was watching Barnyard the other night and I was so extremely confused I had to reach out to my FB friends for guidance.
Little did I know that this was going to be quite a learning experience!


This is Otis, he is the leading man… ugh… cow…

As you can see, Otis has utters and this was the cause of my confusion!!

I thought only girl cows had utters and so I posted the question on FB and this is what  I learned from the responses of my super smart friends!

First, I learned that a “boy” cow is a bull..and no they DO NOT have utters!

a castrated (OUCH) “boy” cow becomes a steer…

BUT..I thought that steers were the “boy” cows with long horns =/

but… it seems that any “boy” cow can be a steer if he’s castrated!  OUCH!

here’s where it gets even more confusing… apparently girl cows have horns too!!! but…. they get polled.. ( i don’t even wanna know…because now all I can really??? cow porn!!! GAWD.. my friends are SICK!)

OH YEAH… and not all “boy” cows have horns!

so, here’s a breakdown according to my friend Patty Sue:

“any boy cow without balls is a steer, if he has balls, he’s a bull.  It doesn’t matter if he has horns or not AND…both boy and girl cows can have horns but the get polled.” (still not quite sure what all the polling entails…)

so with all this confusing cow learning (i kinda feel like an expert now)  my favorite answer was from

Jami ” I think it’s just better than putting a weener on there!”

I’m pretty sure… I will never watch cartoons again.


Bath Time is a Fun Time?????


wpid-20140129_082543.jpgTHE CULPRIT!

sooooo… this morning… (actually it was the day before yesterday morning) I jump in the shower and realize… I’m out of body wash! GRRRR… it’s 35 degrees .. and I don’t want to leave the warm water… but i do… I jump out, wrap myself in a towel and run down the hall to Donkey’s bathroom and and steal her bodywash…heee…heee… I jump back in the shower .. and start to wash…next thing I know… there’s a frosty cool sensation in my nether regions!!!! KINDA LIKE WASHING WITH A YORK PEPPERMINT PATTY!!! WHAT THE HELL!!
I rinse as fast as I can… OH.. I’m wide AWAKE NOW! I’ve been booby trapped!!!((( (who in the hell likes this stuff??)))) I think to myself…is this her way of keeping me from stealing her body wash??? UHHH RUDE MUCH! I finish my shower ..put the body wash back in her I never took it… but you bet your sweet ass I’m plotting… I’m thinking …itching powder or super glue…hmmmmm… maybe something with that ink that turns your lips blue for like a week!!  I’m taking suggestions…. anyone???anyone???




I want to talk about my friends…who I usually refer to as my ‘beasties’……… I always thought I was a little freaky… but it turns out… I’m ALOT freaky… and so are my beasties!
Like for example… who gets a phone call that goes like this..
Friend: Hey are you home?
Me; Yeah.. what’s up?
Friend: I’m coming over.. I got something for you..
Me: Yay! a surprise!!
Friend shows up half an hour later…. with my “surprise”
and why YES….. IT’S A MACHETE!!!
because somehow she thinks that by buying me a machete..I’ll be able to fend for myself during the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!! yeah right friendo! ain’t gonna happen! I will be hiding behind you every chance I get!


Then there’s the time I kidnapped the old guy at the local watering hole my friends and I like to frequent… yeah… honestly… it was an accident!  We were there sometime in October for a Roller Derby after party… and as I was walking out… I grabbed him..I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF!! I hit the backdoor.. handed him over to Hitman..(he’s not really a “HITMAN”!) who threw him in the back of his truck and delivered him to my house… yeah.. I bet your thinking… WTH?? right??  The next day… . I was told by friend who gave me the machete.. that I had done a very bad thing.. and that I should probably return the old man…. so I call the craziest beastie I have, she shows up in her tiny little beamer convertible.. but she doesn’t reeeaally know what she’s in for… So.. after I took pictures and sent them with a ransom note to the owner of said establishment and all the bartenders. we load the old man in the beamer convertible (with the top down) and head over to return the bound a gagged old dude to the Pub….
You think I’m making this up… don’t you???

yeah.... you can't make shit like this up!  just sayin...

yeah…. you can’t make shit like this up! just sayin…

I LOVE THEM!!! I love them because…when I say the “theme” for this weekend is incognito….they don’t think it’s weird… they wear their mustaches proudly…and traipse all over South Padre….super gluing mustaches on random peoples faces… TRUE STORY…


too many crazy adventures to tell in one blog post….and some cannot ever be spoken of again…I am grateful… grateful for my wonderful, BATSHIT crazy friends…My Beasties ❤